U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
