It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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