if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I did not marry a roomba.
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