my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
