My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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