Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
