oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
