its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
