someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
