It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
