Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
