So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
