You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
