Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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