My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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