I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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