She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just tell him i said nine months
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
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