Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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