I hope mine doesn't look like that
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
