im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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