so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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