woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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