First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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