Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
