Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
