I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
