Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize