is your mom at the bar?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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