I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
