You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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