You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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