i love accidental penises.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
