I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I party with great urgency now.
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