no, he came in my armpit
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
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