There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
