we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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