We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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