I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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