what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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