I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
