i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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