Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
