Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
