he thought i was a dude.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
