the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
