He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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