My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize