I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
