you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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