I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
