I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
