chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just pee around me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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