Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
