Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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