he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
