I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
