I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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