dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
