Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
