Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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