you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
