She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
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My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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