You really coming over, don't trick.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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