Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
