ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
