i may or may not be watching the land before time
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
