I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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